Discovering our 'Ferrari'

Well now that our baby news is out, I'm sure many of you are curious about how we found out and how long we've known...  I think this story is unique because of the journey preceding it!

First of all, I was late!  I know, sounds pretty predictable because you know the outcome of this story before I'm telling it, but stay with me.  My expected 'day of defeat' was August 1st.  Having been a number of days late in the past, just to be greeted by the 'dreaded red', I didn't think much of it.

We were on holidays at West Hawk Lake August 6-11.  We stayed in a tiny cabin at Tall Pine Lodge close to the lake.  We did a lot of hiking, some canoeing, swimming, fed some deer, enjoyed the jacuzzi and just enough relaxing!

Around Wednesday or Thursday I started to notice an uneasy stomach.  Amazingly, my first thought was not 'Maybe I'm pregnant!' seeing as I was 8-9 days late already.  No, what I thought was: 'I must have eaten something bad'.  

Reminder:  just a few months earlier, I'd been 15 days late and devastated by the dreaded red on day 16.

Saturday, 11 days late, still queasy...  I am DARING to hope, but still thinking I might just be sick.  I have one Dollarama pregnancy test in the drawer.  So I tell Jared: "Ok, tomorrow, I'm going to take that pregnancy test.  Here are your options for when I see the results:  1.  If I come back crying, I want you to say nothing, just hold me and let me cry.  2.  If I come back screaming, we're pregnant!  I'm going to want a big reaction!  Like: 'Woo!  That's awesome!' kind of reaction.  Ok?"  (Jared tends to be a little less expressive than me.  Not a bad thing, just different!)

So Sunday morning rolls around and I cannot sleep in.  I lay there awake... nervous...terrified...PRAYING!

Amen!

I roll out of bed...

I walk to the bathroom...

Go fishing through the drawer for that crazy test...

I read the instructions carefully, I did't want to do it wrong (not much to it!)...

I followed the instructions EXACTLY, I even had a stopwatch going so I had the time perfect!

I prayed one more time...

I opened my eyes...

I opened them WIDER...

Then I found those instructions and read them a few more times!  I turned that test every direction to make sure I was reading this correctly!

YES!  2 beautiful bright lines told me I was pregnant!  I have never been so proud of my pee!

I went SCREAMING back to Jared and yelled: "Are you ready to be a Daddy?"

He said: "Yes!"  Enthusiastically enough for me!  WOOOO!  I was up for the day!  Not many words to my prayers now but THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

And then telling people!  Ooo that's fun!  Many people ask how I told our parents:

With Jared's parents, we pinned a little note to Abby's (our dog) shirt that said: 'Big sister, April 2013'  It felt like forever until they noticed!  I think Mom read it twice!  Then she said: "Jack, read Abby's shirt!"  And then we all erupted in excitement!  Lot's of: 'Wow!', hugging, and praising God!  Dad couldn't stop looking at me a smiling; Mom couldn't stop praising... It was great!  Even now that they've known a while I catch Dad looking at me and just smiling!

With my parents we'd planned a long time ago what we'd do.  My dad has been fasting from pop for the last 2 1/2 years or so, until we would conceive (or receive through adoption) a baby.  So I had a can of Pepsi in my purse.  We sat down and just chatted a bit.  Then Abby started walking between me and my Dad, back and forth.  I think she wanted help getting up on the couch but I used that opportunity to ask her: 'Did you want me to give this to Grandpa?' taking the Pepsi out of my purse and handing it to my Dad.  I had taped a little note to it from the baby to be cute, but the can was all he needed to see!  My Mom nearly stole all the air in the room (gasping) as she lifted off the couch and began hugging us!  The biggest smile on my dad's face as he read the note and came for hugs!

Telling everyone has been a LOT of fun!  Many awesome reactions and SO many hugs!  I'm a huggy person so I love that! I wish I could post all your reactions on here, but that would take FOREVER!  I have enjoyed telling each of you and it's just as exciting each time I tell it!  Thank you for all your hugs, emails, comments and praises to God with us!

Thank you all so much for all your encouragement, prayers and support!  Please stick with us on this new journey toward parent hood!  We'll keep you posted!

Songs To Lift You Up

During this long journey of waiting, there have been a number of songs that have blessed me; songs that I sing from the depths of my heart, the words a cry and a prayer to God.  I would like to share a bunch of those songs with you now and I hope they will be an encouragement to you as well!

Also, please scroll all the way down to see lyrics and a picture at the end of this post!

'Praise You In This Storm' -Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus:]

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

'While I'm Waiting' -John Waller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6X71sXagUY
I'm waiting 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
And I am hopeful 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
Though it is painful 
But patiently, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident 
Takeing every step in obedience 
While I'm waiting 
I will serve You 
While I'm waiting 
I will worship 
While I'm waiting 
I will not faint 
I'll be running the race 
Even while I wait 

I'm waiting 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
And I am peaceful 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
Though it's not easy 
But faithfully, I will wait 
Yes, I will wait 
I will serve You while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting 
I will serve You while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting 
I will serve you while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

'Worth The Wait' -33 Miles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew0YWiernig&list=PL4CC22F466841F1EF&index=15&feature=plpp_video
I can see your heart is yearning
Everything is so unclear
Is the answer ever coming
After all these years
It’s not an easy feeling
Sometimes it seems unfair
But He knows just what He’s doing
With unanswered prayers
So hold on

It’s worth the wait
Just keep believing
God has perfect timing
Never early, never late
It takes a little patience 
And it takes a lot of faith
But it’s worth the wait

What if what you’re desperate for
Isn’t what you really need
What if there was something more
Than what you dreamed
We may not always see
We may not understand
But He knows just what He’s doing
He’s got a bigger plan
So hold on

CHORUS

In His time, you’ll be fine
All this waiting, now, is by design

CHORUS

In His time, you’ll be fine
All this waiting, now, is by design

'Blessings' -Laura Story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&list=PL4CC22F466841F1EF&index=6&feature=plpp_video

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

'Stronger' -Mandisa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3TPq8ZSvTk&feature=BFa&list=PL4CC22F466841F1EF

Hey, heard you were up all night

Thinking about how your world ain't right

And you wonder if things will ever get better

And you're asking why is it always raining on you

When all you want is just a little good news

Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head

It's gonna end

God's right there

Even if it's hard to see Him

I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus:]

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

And things can only get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger

Believe me, this is gonna make you Stronger

Try and do the best you can

Hold on and let Him hold your hand

And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus

Oh, lift your head it's gonna end

God's right there

Even when you just can't feel Him

I promise you that He still cares

[Chorus]

'Cause if He started this work in your life

He will be faithful to complete it

If only you believe it

He knows how much it hurts

And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

In time it's gonna get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

'Everlasting God' -Chris Tomlin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMdWjL2kiU&list=PLD0358CD15AB4A504&index=31&feature=plpp_video
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

'All Is Well' -Robin Mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuhijtYVVHw&list=PLD0358CD15AB4A504&index=35&feature=plpp_video
He lowers us to raise us
So we can sing His praises
Whatever is His way all is well

He makes us rich and poor
That we might trust Him more
Whatever is His way all is well

All my changes come from Him He who never changes
I'm held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages

All is well with my soul
He is God in control
I know not all His plans
But I know I'm in His hands

He clothes us now then strips us
Yet with His Word equips us
Whatever is His way all is well
And though our seasons change
We still exalt His name
Whatever is His way all is well

'Never Once' -Matt Redman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

If you do not understand the meaning behind this picture check out my post  from November 29, 2010 called: 'The Road I Walk - a story to help you understand.'

http://blatzbabble.blogspot.ca/search?updated-min=2010-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2011-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=3

Special Blessings

I have been so very blessed! Waiting is hard and it sucks, but there are so many people around me who love us and care for us and have spent time praying for us!  This was evident a little while ago when a good friend of mine organized a day of prayer and fasting on our behalf.  She emailed many of my friends and family and asked them to take a day to listen and pray for us.  The response was amazing!  MD gave me a little booklet with scripture and pictures people had received during their prayer times.  It has been so encouraging when I'm having a tougher day, I can pick up that book and remember that I'm not alone in this!  SO awesome!

Then a few weeks back I was blessed again by my cousin.  We were at a family gathering and each of us grand kids had received a special gift from our grandma which came as a big surprise for all of us.  It was a huge blessing!  Then just as we were about to leave, my cousin gave me a gift which has been an encouragement to me almost every day since.  It was a small collection of Christian books about infertility and adoption.  One of the books was a devotional called: 'Longing for a Child' by Kathe Wunnenberg.  If you are dealing with infertility, I would HIGHLY recommend this book.  So often when I'm reading I think "Yes!  She gets it!  That's exactly how I feel!"  She offers a lot of scripture to encourage you, and short prayers.  Each devotion also ends with a few questions for self-examination.

Here are a few passages I have found encouraging over the last few weeks:

Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:9

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;

he will never leave you nor forsake you.  do not be afraid; do not

be discouraged. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

Then Job replied to the Lord:

"I know that you can do all things;

no plan of yours can be thwarted,

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without

knowledge?'

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know."

Job 42:2-3

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:4

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

he rises to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently

Romans 8:25

Mothers Day

I had thought about posting something on my blog when I received the following link in an email.  I do not personally know the 'Amy' who wrote this letter, but what she said I could very much feel along with as a 'non-mom'. I thought I would pass it along for others of you who can relate to her experiences.


To eliminate any possible confusion, I have posted her words in blue.

[  http://messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/ ]


An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}

Dear Pastor,

Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.

You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.

I set my can down and this is what I’d say.

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.

I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).

Warmly and in your corner,

Amy

It Is Well With My Soul

It has been coming up a few times in the last little while the song: It is well with my soul'.  My friend (DP) posted about it on her blog a while ago and it has come up a few more times in the last week or so. This morning as I was praying it came up again.  I don't have it in my itunes so I went to youtube to listen to it.  While I was looking for the more traditional version of the song I came across this 6min video about the song and the story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3lgJrLhb5Y&feature=colike

I would encourage anyone who is going through something that you feel is too much to handle, to watch this.  Give your situation to God, don't carry your burden alone.  He knows what he's doing and he'll carry you through.

15 Days of Hope

God gave me a gift this month: hope.

Though I did not do it knowingly, over the last 40 months I have built a wall of doubt that comes between me and hope.  I put it there to protect my heart, which has been so frequently broken.  This month, God showed me that wall.  For 5 days He slowly took a few bricks down and allowed hope to creep back into my heart.  Even a negative pregnancy test didn't slow His pace.  10 more days went by and that wall of doubt was nearly gone.  I really felt like this could be the month!  Maybe it was finally my turn!  Maybe God was going to let me have that SO precious gift my heart has been aching for.  As day 15 came and went, with no sign of the dreaded red, Jared and I prayed with earnest hearts that this would be the one.

Wednesday, Day 16.  Jared left early in the morning for work, I got out of bed an hour later and started my morning routine.  That was when it happened.  The dreaded red appeared!

Disbelief...

Anger....

Pain...

I had spent some time praying with a friend the evening of day 15 and God gave us this verse which I then wrote on the bathroom mirror:

Psalms 16:11
'You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy: at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.'


With my heart shattered in a thousand pieces, I saw this verse; 'in your presence there is fullness of joy'.  I didn't feel joyful.  I felt broken and defeated.  I wanted to run and scream and hide away forever!  But that was not an option.  My daycare kids were coming. God gave me a smile which I glued on and I made it through the day.

My heart is shattered, but slowly God is giving me strength to give him the pieces to put it back together.


I did not post this out of anger.  I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.  But maybe you've been here too.  Your situation might be a bit different but your heart was broken too.  I encourage you not to run away in anger.  Turn to Jesus; 'in His presence there is fullness of joy' even in the toughest of circumstances.

God bless!