Monday, November 29, 2010

The Road I Walk - a story to help you understand

For those who haven’t walked this road I’m on, wanting a child, a family, but having to put that dream on hold for reasons beyond my control, here is a story I thought up that may help you understand me and my situation a little better:

Imagine the most amazing possession you could ever own.  That could be very different from one person to the next, but I’m using a Ferrari for my example.

So you knew when you were a kid that you wanted a Ferrari.  You dreamed about it, you played and pretended what it’d be like to have your very own.  As you get older, you make decisions, take courses and plan your life knowing that if you stay on that track, you will one day have your Ferrari.  Finally you’re all grown up.  You’ve got everything you need to have this dream finally come true!

You head over to the dealership and you are so excited!  You see some of your friends in the parking lot who share your excitement!  Some friends have already purchased their Ferrari’s and are there encouraging you and teasing you about what you’ll all do when you have yours.  You are so excited!  This is it!  That Ferrari is just on the other side of those doors and you are READY!  You see some of your friends walk in ahead of you; they smile and wave as they walk through those doors.  You finally get to the door, you can hardly contain your excitement... then a guard steps in front of you.  You’re a bit startled so you try to step around him, but he puts out his arms and says: “I can’t let you in there”. 

You’re confused!  He’s letting other people through.  You ask him: “Why can’t I go in?”
He replies: “You have to wait.”
You ask him: “Why?” and “How long?”  But all he says is: “You have to wait.”
You’re a little upset.  But you decide to wait patiently for a while.   Surely you won’t have to wait too long.

As you wait, you see a few of your friends come out of the store with their new Ferrari’s.  You congratulate them!  You know they’ve been planning for this day too and you are truly happy for them!

You continue to wait. 
You wait 4 go. 

8 months...still nothing.

Soon you’ve been waiting years!  And you are still not allowed in!

In the mean time, many of the people you know have picked up their Ferrari’s, some who planned for it, like you, and some who had the cash and figured ‘Why not?’  Then there are those who walk into the store by mistake and get roped into buying one even though they haven’t planned for it at all.  Some of them don’t have a garage or even their drivers’ license!

You decide to look into a private dealership to see if you can get your Ferrari another way.  You tell them what you’re looking for.  Many people have come to them with the same problem.  They offer that they could put in a special order, but there is a large fee, TONES of paperwork, no guarantees, and an indefinite waiting period.  So over the next few months, you dish out money and go through mountains of intense paperwork.  At the end of it all, you are put on a waiting list.

And you continue to wait....

If you feel like this story ‘leaves you hanging’, you have a very minimal idea of what it is like to walk in my shoes.  But believe me, when I know the end of this story the WORLD will know the end of this story!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Our Journey began...

So, we got a newsletter in the mail yesterday from the adoption agency we've been looking into.  *sigh* I’m feeling a bit discouraged.  From January - October there have only been 9 placements, but there's 62 applications waiting.  We're 1 in 62 people waiting to be parents.

I know we've done everything we could as far as starting a family on our own terms.  But this waiting business is super tough.

Our journey began in January 2009 when we decided to stop preventing children and leave our family planning in God's hands.  I never thought He'd have us wait this long.  The first few months were, fine, just waiting from one month to the next with minimal disappointment.  Around month 4-6 of nothing happening I started to get discouraged.  I started to talk to people about us wanting to start a family, wondering if we would be 'one of those' who wants kids but can't have them.

In November 2009 we had our first appointment with an adoption agency to see if adoption was a direction we'd be willing to go in.  I was very open to the adoption concept, though it took my husband a little longer to adjust to the idea.  We went to more meetings and filled out forms, more forms, and more forms...  We started budgeting for the processing fees for all these forms.  It was a lot of work and very stressful emotionally.

In the midst of all that, I quit my full time job, working with people living with intellectual and physical disabilities, to start a home daycare in July 2009.  It was quite a drastic change, especially as far as income is concerned.  But working with children is something I've always enjoyed, and this seemed like a practical way to go.  It has been challenging at times, having 4 children from 4 different family situations joined together at my house for 9 hours each day, but it has been so much fun too! 

All our paperwork, including the home study, for our adoption application was fully processed in August 2010, which was also the month we got in for our first appointment with a fertility specialist.  After a number of fairly uncomfortable tests, the doctor found that we had no medical reason as to why we were not conceiving.  He offered medication that would increase our chances of conceiving, but after a month we decided, once again, to leave it in God's hands.

So that brings us to now!